seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
