If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My vagina is very pro this idea
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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