My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
