I would go down on you faster than GM stock
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
