My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
