Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
