you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
