I wish my penis had an off switch
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
