I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
