It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
