belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
