One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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