I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
