He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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