Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
