I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I love having hate sex.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
