So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
