Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
