Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
