I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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