I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
