the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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