I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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