At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
