Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
