everyone is single if you try hard enough
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
