i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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