This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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