How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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