I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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