watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
