Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
