How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I checked into jail on foursquare
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
