i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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