Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
