I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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