Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
