For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
