never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
