Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
