Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
