I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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