I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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