fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
