I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
