My nipple is on Facebook.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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