Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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