Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
