If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
