im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
