I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
