sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bring me that man meat
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
