why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
