first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
