I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
